--My biggest scare

I jumped off the bed from slumber. They were in commotion, my husband was trembling and our maid was shocked. I ran downstairs and saw my daughter,Xy, shaking,her eyes were rolling upwards, her body was stiffly shaking and her face was growing bluish. My senses stopped quickly in shock but I realized that I need to be on my toes to rush her to the hospital. Her father was holding her, trying to wake her up, while I rushed to put on jeans, got the money and celphone then on the car. We were constantly shouting for her name,my thumb was inserted on her mouth and I try to withstood the pain of her grinding teeth on my nails. Finally she came back. At the ER , she lay on the green cot and we keep asking her of what she was feeling etc...all we got was a blank listless stare.Ironically, she isn't sick, nor had colds or has fever or whatever and the doctor said that it is unusual to get convulsive at the age of 9. I felt threatened on what she said and started to think worse.As the ER staff were asking me, my mind was haphazardly entertaining stupid thoughts and my fear and guilt is starting to arise.The doctor was trying to touch her legs and toes and I got more and more afraid that she wasn't feeling the pinches or even while the doctor was running the tip of the key on her toes.We continued to ask and ask her until after a few minutes, she ouched.

The flashback of her convulsion episode when she was younger came off to me, while I recall rushing her to the hospital so little.My aunts were there, my sister dropped by to check on us. She was taken with a few cc of blood to check her sugar, potassium and salt if it's under normal amount. I was beginning to be more stronger as I see her, already talking and telling us she wanted to go home.,,at that point I know she was already ok. I hate hospital scenes definitely. We tripped a little bit to see a lot of people admitted at the ER and most are children with high fever and some elderly who may probably be suffering from old age sickness or complications of high blood or diabetes which is a common amongst the seniors. My husband even pointed an old woman already with yellow skin, and in her eyes, I am seeing her leaving. We went back to Xy's cot while we are waiting for her pediatrician's call. Now after a few more minutes I spoke to her pedia,and advised that we can go home and visit a neurologist tomorrow.

Xy is one of the most manageable kid I ever saw. She complains on few things and never seek attention at all times. The other day she asked me to fetch her from school and told me she want to skip her school bus and take me instead. I told her that I get out late. Earlier,she also has a small participation in her class and I missed on watching her show. My thoughts were still trying to recollect of why she had that 5-minute convulsion knowing she is well. I was thinking that earlier, it could have been triggered by the incident were she almost got hit by the tricycle when were crossing the street from my sister's house. It may have brought severe shock inside her, and knowing she doesnt complain, might have triggered cos she keeps what she feels most of the time.

As a mother, this type of incident shakes me off literally and frightened at the same time.Even if you want to show your vulnerability to show you feel pain, when you are faced with situations like this,your only choice is to be strong for your daughter and feign all your strength. You start analyzing yourself inwardly and ask if ever you were being a good mother to your child. I know that I am not really perfect in that job..but I can be better. I love my kids so much.