--Family's greatest victory

My youngest sister is officially a registered nurse. She passed the nursing board exam she took last July and results came out last Friday.It was one of the greatest fulfillment I'm sure my parents have felt of course besides our college diplomas. He wasn't here to celebrate with us. All of my siblings except the eldest plus my mom and the nieces and and nephews were there. We savored the moment over simple meal. I completed the rest of the menu, we had barbecue, shrimp and crabs, pasta, buttered corn and peas, roasted fish,the local lumpiang sariwa, chocolate cake and double dutch ice cream .I forgot my diet for awhile. I felt that it's a one day violation of my calorie count and enjoy what's served on the table.

--My biggest scare

I jumped off the bed from slumber. They were in commotion, my husband was trembling and our maid was shocked. I ran downstairs and saw my daughter,Xy, shaking,her eyes were rolling upwards, her body was stiffly shaking and her face was growing bluish. My senses stopped quickly in shock but I realized that I need to be on my toes to rush her to the hospital. Her father was holding her, trying to wake her up, while I rushed to put on jeans, got the money and celphone then on the car. We were constantly shouting for her name,my thumb was inserted on her mouth and I try to withstood the pain of her grinding teeth on my nails. Finally she came back. At the ER , she lay on the green cot and we keep asking her of what she was feeling etc...all we got was a blank listless stare.Ironically, she isn't sick, nor had colds or has fever or whatever and the doctor said that it is unusual to get convulsive at the age of 9. I felt threatened on what she said and started to think worse.As the ER staff were asking me, my mind was haphazardly entertaining stupid thoughts and my fear and guilt is starting to arise.The doctor was trying to touch her legs and toes and I got more and more afraid that she wasn't feeling the pinches or even while the doctor was running the tip of the key on her toes.We continued to ask and ask her until after a few minutes, she ouched.

The flashback of her convulsion episode when she was younger came off to me, while I recall rushing her to the hospital so little.My aunts were there, my sister dropped by to check on us. She was taken with a few cc of blood to check her sugar, potassium and salt if it's under normal amount. I was beginning to be more stronger as I see her, already talking and telling us she wanted to go home.,,at that point I know she was already ok. I hate hospital scenes definitely. We tripped a little bit to see a lot of people admitted at the ER and most are children with high fever and some elderly who may probably be suffering from old age sickness or complications of high blood or diabetes which is a common amongst the seniors. My husband even pointed an old woman already with yellow skin, and in her eyes, I am seeing her leaving. We went back to Xy's cot while we are waiting for her pediatrician's call. Now after a few more minutes I spoke to her pedia,and advised that we can go home and visit a neurologist tomorrow.

Xy is one of the most manageable kid I ever saw. She complains on few things and never seek attention at all times. The other day she asked me to fetch her from school and told me she want to skip her school bus and take me instead. I told her that I get out late. Earlier,she also has a small participation in her class and I missed on watching her show. My thoughts were still trying to recollect of why she had that 5-minute convulsion knowing she is well. I was thinking that earlier, it could have been triggered by the incident were she almost got hit by the tricycle when were crossing the street from my sister's house. It may have brought severe shock inside her, and knowing she doesnt complain, might have triggered cos she keeps what she feels most of the time.

As a mother, this type of incident shakes me off literally and frightened at the same time.Even if you want to show your vulnerability to show you feel pain, when you are faced with situations like this,your only choice is to be strong for your daughter and feign all your strength. You start analyzing yourself inwardly and ask if ever you were being a good mother to your child. I know that I am not really perfect in that job..but I can be better. I love my kids so much.

--Catching up.

It's been a long while since me and my sisters and nieces, sat up together and catch up.Now that we are being joined with new members of the family, I am excited too, a new baby and another brother in-law.
My neices and nephews were around while celebrate Waks' birthday.

---by the skin of teeth

The word "manager" is utterly deployed with so much responsibility, empowerment, tough decisions and respect. It sounds powerful but really sometimes I hate it. To a certain degree, it deprives you of becoming straight-forward or otherwise deemed tactless.

This morning was one of those moment I hope I had no options to hold back---and be NICE. One of my rep approached me hastily to seek permission for an undertime. Why?--
"My father is leaving for abroad and forgot his passport.!" ---I said what? -at the back of my mind "STUPID"...I think so.It's so unbelievable. The whole point was that he was so arrogant and so impolite. I was so close to swearing..but I had to contain my self..too bad.

---Let's talk about family.

One of the hardest feeling ever is when you are unable to express what you feel to feign confidence. Me and my older sister talked a little longer than usual and when that happens it must be something else. My throat were uncontrollably shaking, and worst, Im holding it back. I was feeling something hot rising from my waist up to my nape...and my eyes were all crimson red. I couldn't stop them from noticing it,(--I was at work then.)

I grew up in an environment were I was not used to being sentimentally foolish at a certain degree. We dont say I-love-you's so much with my siblings or even to my parents. Hugging or cuddling each other. We are more of showing it by implied acts loving. It mold me how to be stronger, to be logical, to be unemotional, therefore, I was able to handle difficult things by myself. Now that we are older, we get to say things already without hesitation,,the funny part is, I become mushy and cry spontaneously when little words from my sisters gets into my phone or either by calls. ..So now , I am becoming that person.

Our younger sister is getting married.I felt a tinge of melancholy knowing that she isn't gonna be that old little sister we used to have. I am happy that she is marrying her long time boyfriend and was able to hang on until they completed school and landed a good job. She is more of like me, but she is more reserved. We used to fight when she borrows my things, bags, dress, accesories and I get irked because she wouldn't return it as she promises. I would storm their apartment, rummage through their cabinet and find it myself until I decided to lock up my closet and ask earnestly for my permission when she needs to borrow. We like same things, style or either color..and this is what is probably common amongst the seven of us. I think she is the prettiest in the family, She has a very naive face, cute dimples, thick curly eyelashes, nice nose, and her hair is long and the curls were good..although she despises the style, but I like it on her.

--Birthday and a lost phone

---A new workplace.

For so many years, our set up has always been stationary.Not that I am not amenable with, infact I would so much miss any alterations. He does a lot of things for me,,,and that is surely something to look forward everyday. We had to weigh other consequences for him to take an outside offer.

It felt so different to adjust on what you are used to...but I can keep tab.
slowly.