---Retention Risk: moderate

Over two weeks ago, I was told that I wont get merit increase. It was a tough year, and the scores were going up and down, so I kinda expected it. On that meeting too, it was mentioned that there are very few people who are expected to get an increase, since at least a handful made it eligible so, I am one of the rest who didn't.
So the day finally came for me to see if it was true to its word, and upon checking my account it was the same. I tried texting one of my friend to ask, but she's probably preoccupied to hit the reply button.

When I came to work, I tried asking each one in my team, whom I have appraised last year, and most of them did get it. It may not be valuable to some and take me with no credit for that, but it's ok. "Thank you" may not be a word to expect when all of it was my decision. Honestly, I was happy for them that I felt it was another way of me to say thank you for being what they are in the team, and for each of their contribution month over month. My good mood suddenly evaporated when I heard about most of the TM's getting increase, even to the least, while I didn't?! I felt like bawling out loud to express how disappointed and unfair the process was. This time it's not all about the monetary value they got, though I cannot deny it still matters, now, I felt so unaccomplish.embecile.,,that I have no value at all.
I went to see my old emails where it contained the accounts month over month performance, and my name was sitting on the 13th spot out forty teams. Then I got marked down on values???...I have never been absent for the past year. All through out I tried to comply with what they asked me to do..yet all seemed futile. I cannot help comparing myself amongst others who got it,,yet you'll see them roaming at the smoking area, sleeping at the snooze box, falsifying log in time.etc,.
As far as I know, I was always given one of the highest feedback during survey periods,,,but non of it matters.I am not a people pleaser. I never feigned my camaraderie, or if i have something else to say, I'd probably keep my mouth shut.

At the end of the day,I felt so unworthy for the first time when I know that I made all of the best efforts to meet the expectations they set. So what's my retention risk from my PPR..it says :moderate!oh yeah maybe not.*sobs

Everything has a price. I will fake it next time around.