---Photo finish

blink.blink.
I didnt realize I was staring on the cursor too long that I felt I was alone. The big monitors’ glare used to irritate my eyes before..especially when the lights are out,,,it’s the only source of radiance across this darkened room.Yet this time there was a feeling of remedy amidst my weary day.I was counting the blinking until I lost my count…before I could even type a word.I said to myself, "what was i supposed to write?"

Lately I have been rummaging through old files on our pc.I thought I need to back it up to make way for newer stuffs to be stored. There were so many things that reflects a past you wouldnt wanna go back to..or if you can, you just wish you had the power to alter things and not changing the good things that happened in the process. I scrolled up and down to old pictures, events and simple letters that could have made a difference if not taken for granted.
I said…im not gonna cry..but I just did. My face started to feel a rush of warm water running accross my cheeks and a silent sobs in between.Why did I cry? What did I cry for? I dont know why,ironically. I started to become pensive retrospecting the what if’s, what not’s. Wasnt I good enough? or the attempt of trying is frivolous in the eyes of the unbecoming jurors.There is a poignant heave going through each inch of breathe that I take. In and out it passes furtively as if it was a crime. The little trifles turn out to be the key indicator of one’s contentment not being met. I’m not perfect and I’m not good either yet I was being optimistic that the choices I’ve made was the best ever there is. The consequences was fearlessly coped with even if there will be times I’d pretend the state of being totally unperturbed and strong, in a sense. No negotiations. In the act of being fed up for something, vengeance is done in the poorest manner, which is oxymoronic being said that. I was aiming for a more mature attempt on filling up the gaps of our selfish agendas. Needless to state that it didnt appear the way I was expecting it. The end-result of the latter came to be completely irreparable, that time would only tell. Arrogance is surfacing like it was the only feeling there is than humility when you have done something wrong..and the reactions is just the closest way to think of when hurt.

Unlike this pictures, I cannot scroll up and down, go back in forth just when I wanted it. Unlike this pictures, they are taken and made, processed underneath proper illumination. SIlked.or Matted.Photoshop is just not a tool you can easily manifest to make the picture look better. Unlike life they cant be pictures.