---For the heck of it

Before I left SQ, a few friends that i’ve got decided to go out one night, coinciding one of our friends birthday.There were five of us to keep a company. We got together earlier but to our surprise even a close knit can be assumed disorganized. We hopped for bars to shelter us,,and ended up partying half past twelve only to realize we’re gonna be just around the closing time. Part of the plan was going to Antipolo, but it didnt happen which was a OK. So we had a karaoke night. Some songs made me cry, some of them we yelled on top of our lungs. I am not a party girl anyway so the bitter taste of alcohol, again, doesnt give me an idea of pleasure somewhere in between. I said, I’d give it a try. I poured beer and ice and Cali on it..obviously I was still hesitant on trying but a little of it wont damage my sanity for the moment.. It didnt give me the same high that these drunkards gets.honestly just a little pounding on my head. My tolerance on alcohol is so flimsy.I dont do anything just for the heck of it ..or just so to appear odd. Anyway, that night I wanna feel guilty,thinking of my little baby in bed where I was supposed to be in place juxtaposed by my two wonderful kids.,,yet I felt I needed this, "afterall".I never felt so home anymore. I’m tied up clinging myself to the edge. Those eyes that judged me and misinterpreted my intentions overhauled my whole self. I have invested my time to someone whose mere understanding of life revolves around no one else but their own. And the idea of compassion is misconstrued taking to a level where even the only person who withstood yet til the end of nothingness to the minutest part left is hurt and is still hurting.

When I am at my own home, that defines me. I feel some freedom in the sense of not always minding what I do would be taken against me and dispensed in a manner where my explanations are futile. The communion between you and the people who will never take you for granted, nevertheless is just overflowing that sometimes you feel at ease that the acceptance will be there all the time.We can call it consanguinity probably.Still clueless. Still, I am fish swimming out of water.