--Ports of random equanimity

It was Mozart on the background…somehow I felt like being drifted into another dimension and I was enjoying it. A place where it can only be found in movies, perfect lines and good costumes. I didn't know that I was beginning to create my own movie, where I wrote the lines in such a manner that I favor the next line of event. Geesh, I'm becoming foolishly sentimental.Anyhow throughout the ups and downs, I am slowly trying to learn and manage to be of composure when I have to..At this point, I could say it’s aggravated due to the imbalance of whatever in my system during gravidity despite of that I have mustered all courage and steadfastness..We are all susceptible to pain and imbalances and what characterizes one from another is the manner we face them and execute all possible solutions. Anyway, early today, I fixed Xy to school. She amazes me like always on how she says and asks things spontaneously. Whenever I look into her eyes, I can see a quick succor to what I’m going through. She smiles and talks like pacifying me all the time. Maybe that’s a mother thing. Each of you can feel the connections very easily without asking why. She never fails to thank me whenever I give what I have promised. The other day, she asked me if I was crying, well I wasn't. but deep within I was.. I cannot hide my feelings to her. She grabbed a tissue and handed it over to me…akin to her expressing that it was Ok to be sad and cry if you feel like crying a river. And I felt as if she told me, “Mom dont be afraid to show me your feelings, for I will understand"…I think later on she’s the closest who can understand me.. Like her, we are all just pieces of something to harbor when fate strikes. When series of questions come in array and still clueless of any answers. Xy was able to manage it, to face me when I was sad, at a very young age.. That incident, I felt there was a certain tinge of embarrassment and I knew my face grew crimson in front of her…She can be happy on her own without being dependent of others, and takes things as it is without asking why.no buts. no ifs. And that I will learn..