The Hidden Gift

When the breeze is starting to get colder and people becomes so busy around shopping, only one thing comes to our mind, that it's Christmas once again. Every time this season arrives, I always feel happy despite the fact that I won't have enough money for the gifts. The thought of going home excites me all the time. Where we would rush for the little groceries for the Noche Buena and make reservations for a ride home.. I might be complaining for the bagful of stuffs I carry but when I imagine of the happy faces I see when we arrive, to see my Mom's longing looks and a very warm smile, while my little sister busily and eagerly open the luggage, my energy increases. But this Christmas, I don't know if the season still carry the same feelings. Now that I have hurt and disappointed them, all I feel is pain and guilt. I will miss the moments I prepare and cook the food. When my best friend and me still find time to scoot around the place. Or the sight of my father querying about our plight in the city while I cook. For me Christmas Season were the best times and the only moment I spend with my family. The only month of the year where all of us get together. Laughing, eating, talking and sleeping together like we were still young. I know now that it will be one of their saddest Christmases, like I feel, because of what had occurred. The songs that I used to sing will make them cry as they hear them once again. How I wish I could talk to Santa Claus and cry to him just to grant my wish. That, I hope I could change their feelings and obliterate all the pain I have caused. That, when Christmas Eve comes and I'm not with them, they won't have to remember me and be sad but to recall me with a smile. That, I hope I could touch their heart to make them feel so dear and especial to me. I just hope. A little while ago my younger sister came to advice that they are going to leave.. I felt a lump in my throat choking me as I control my tears while I write a message to the birthday card I sent for my mom. Every memory of the past seasons with them makes me feel morose. I know it is also difficult for them as it was for me and I am accepting every feeling it brings. I am happy now to where I belong but I cannot deny the fact that I wish I still could turn back the time and spend more days with them. Perhaps, what happened to me considering all, made the picture blurred. Nevertheless, the spirit of the wishes for Santa still comes true and I just have to cling on that faith that the celebration of the birth of the Savior will bring good tidings to all who believe in Him. I realize that I had a gift given to me long time ago and I hardly notice how essential and meaningful it was. I was blessed with a family and with people who love me. A gift I never knew would make me cry every time I wake up looking for that gift. I am sure one day I will find them once again, in proper time and season. And when that time comes, my happiness will be boundless, I know.